The Problem
by Pickled Lemons
Summary: Hermione has a problem, and Draco's determined to help her stub it out. This addiction of hers is driving him crazy, what with the cigarette butts all over the bathroom floor. Something might even come out of this situation. ToOtHpAsTe Galore.
1. Brushing Her Teeth

CHAPTER 1

Draco gently pushed open the door, and walked into the common room. As usual, it was immaculately tidied, and looked as thought it had photographed from a page of a Good Housekeeping Magazine. The small table was pushed in between the two oyster gray armchairs, sheaves of parchment were piled neatly on it, and the desk at the far end was completely cleared, with only a ceramic pen stand on its shiny surface. The fire had been lit, and a fluffy cream rug was pulled beside it. The stairs leading up to their separate dormitories were spotless.

She had even filled a blue vase with begonias and kept them on the mantelpiece.

Obviously, something was very, very wrong with Hermione Granger.

He smiled, and settled down in one of the armchairs. He had hidden a slim porno magazine, that one of his friends had found at a Muggle newspaper shop, under the cushion, and with the Common Room seemingly empty, it seemed the perfect time to take it out. As he did so, he found himself wondering exactly where Granger was. It was nine at night, and she hadn't shown up for dinner. He had assumed she had been studying over here. But surprisingly, she was nowhere to be found.

When Dumbledore had announced that as Heads, they would have to share a common room, he had been horrified. So had his friends. Pansy, especially had seen elements of her impending doom on the whole situation. Blaise was the only one who had found it funny.

'She'll keep _you_ on your toes,' he had chortled, 'It'll be like World War III. What would I not give to be there?'

'You're balls,' Draco had snarled. 'And since I'm sure we both share that sentiment, I think you should shut up.'

'A common bathroom, even. You won't be leaving any towels on the floor anymore, Drake.'

'Look, here, Blaise-.'

'And how are you going to take girls into your room at night? Not, of course, that any girl would want that privilege. Except- well, Pansy would be happy to oblige.'

'Blaise, shut up!'

And so it had continued.

But surprisingly, living with Granger hadn't proved to be that bad. As disgusted as he had been originally, she had made every attempt to avoid him and he had returned the favor. After a month of the funny run-and-hide-when-you-see-them-coming games, both had grown weary and become a little more comfortable with each other. Draco enjoyed the way he could always come back to a neat and sparkling Common Room, although he often doubted her sanity as far her habitual cleaning was concerned. He had even begun to pick up his towels and stack his books so as not to infuriate her to the extent of putting her off the cleaning. As far as he was concerned, it was like having a house-elf for the meager payment of being polite to them.

Well- not _polite_, exactly, he had to admit. More like not rude. They were not rude to each other. And for Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, that was certainly something. Of late, they had even developed the habit of sitting in their armchairs after dinner and catching up on some homework together.

Not that they talked, or anything. Neither went out of their way to seem overly polite.

Still, he mused, as he flipped another page and another glorious blonde sex bunny beamed at him, it was much better than he expected. Everything was rosy except Blaise's constant teasing.

So where exactly was Granger right now?

Things seemed quiet. He carefully tucked his magazine under the cushion and tiptoed up the stairs that led to her dorm. The door was tightly shut. The keyhole had been stuffed with paper, not allowing a chink of light to escape. Obviously, if she was in there, she didn't want visitors, and nothing would irritate her more than if he knocked.

He knocked.

'What?' she snapped, her voice muffled through the door. 'What do you want?'

Ah. So she _was_ inside.

'It's me,' he called through.

'Well, duh. What do you want Malfoy. I'm busy.'

'Just checking if you were there.' He paused. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm- I'm- brushing my teeth!'

Draco doubled back.

'What? What did you say you were doing?'

The door flung open, and a very irate Hermione with hair standing on end, wearing a blue bathrobe and a foaming mouth stood there. She held a toothbrush in her right hand.

'I- said- I'm- bwushing mwy teeth!' she snapped.

'Ah,' he said, doubtfully. 'Okay then, you do that. Bye.'

He crossed the stairs and went back to his armchair. Time for old porno again.

Really. Something was wrong with her.

_Please, please review. It's very heartening. _


	2. The Dropper

CHAPTER 2

Draco had better things to do than worry about Hermione Granger's excessive teeth brushing, anyway.

'Sure you do.' Blaise nodded, cutting a peach with the edge of his fork, and stuffing a piece into his mouth. 'Your History of Magic assignment.'

'Ha ha, Blaise.' Draco said, rolling his eyes. 'What I mean is, hey, we're roommates, I'd care only if she messed up my room or something, right?'

'Which we all no know is not possible.' Blaise added. 'More like she'd clean up after your mess. Which I'm sure she does. You gonna eat that croissant?'

Draco passed it to him.

'And anyway,' he said, 'I always knew she was retarded.'

Blaise raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. His partner continued, oblivious of the change.

'I just figured that I'd try asking her once again what the matter was. There's a chance she, you know, might not bite my head off. Very small chance, though. I should take it, right? I mean-.'

'Look at you.' Blaise interrupted, pointing the fork at Draco. When the latter looked nonplussed, he continued. 'Look at you, you're wondering about her.'

Draco bristled. 'I'm wondering about her weirdness is all-.'

'Ah-ah. You're not. You're- my god, Draco, you're thinking of _checking _up on her.'

'No I'm not!' Draco snapped, outraged. 'I'm merely wondering whether my roommate is bonkers.'

'We established _that_ years ago,' Blaise said, dismissively. 'And since when has she become your roommate- from the Mudblood Granger?'

'Since she started cleaning my room.'

'No really?' Blaise looked impressed. 'Your room? Not just the Common, but your dorm as well?'

'Sure. She can't stand the mess. I just have to be careful about my pornos, so-.'

'Speaking of pornos,' Blaise cut him off. 'I'm expecting a new one today. Playboy. You'll like it.'

'I will?"

'Uhun. Good stuff. There's a girl in it who looks just like Pansy.'

He ducked, as Draco aimed a donut at his head.

oOo

'How's Malfoy been acting up?' Harry asked.

'Fine,' Hermione replied, absently. She was looking at Ron with a mixture of disgust and amusement. He was spooning kiwi pieces mixed with yogurt into his mouth so fast all she could see was a fluorescent-yellow-cream blur.

'That's strange,' Harry said. He paused and looked at Hermione again. 'He's not been giving you hell?'

'To be honest he thinks I'm a cleaner or something.' She said, shaking her head. 'He wouldn't dare bug me since I clean up after him.'

Harry rolled his eyes. 'I would say he's taking advantage of you, but knowing how much you love to clean, I'd say he's the one being taken advantage of. But whatever, right? As long as both of you are happy?'

'Yes.'

'I mean-.' He broke off, and looked nervously at her. 'I mean if he's bothering you, Hermione, all you have to do is-.'

'He isn't bothering me Harry.'

'Me and Ron would be pleased to-.'

'There's no need, Harry.'

'Pleased to what?' Ron demanded suspiciously, looking up from the now-empty fruit bowl.

'Nothing,' Hermione said, quickly. 'Nothing. You- you guys head on to class. I have something to do.'

She wiped her mouth with a napkin and stood up.

Harry looked curiously at her. 'The library? No wait, it isn't even open now.'

'No more SPEW, thank heavens.' Ron added.

Before Hermione could retort, Harry demanded, 'But where are you going? What do you have, first period?'

'Free.' She said, looking down at her hands, and wiping them unnecessarily on her napkin.

'Free? But didn't you used to have Arithmancy?'

'Yeah, well I dropped it.' Hermione said, quickly. 'Anyway, have to go. Bye!'

And she dashed off.

Harry and Ron stared, nonplussed at each other. Ron had abandoned his breakfast.

'She _dropped_ Arithmancy?' Ron demanded. 'She dropped _Arithmancy?'_

'I can't believe it,' Harry breathed. 'She loved that godforsaken subject!'

Ron nodded. 'Maybe something is wrong with her,' he said, slowly, 'Have you noticed she's been acting all out of sorts, of late?'

'Very jumpy,' Harry agreed. 'And sort of nervous. I though it might be exam pressure or something- although we have- what? Six months to go? But if she's dropping subjects like this, something is definitely up.'

There was a pause. Ron stirred some porridge with his spoon.

'Maybe-.' He hesitated. 'Maybe it is Malfoy. I mean, she might not be telling the truth when she says he's left off bugging her.'

'Could be,' Harry admitted. 'Yes, Malfoy's the only thing wrong in her life right now.

His expression grew determined. He threw his spoon down.

'Come on, Ron.' He said. 'Let's go fix the little blighter.'


End file.
